I wanted to touch a little on my relationships. The moving point in the timeline of my tumultuous love life has finally reached a point where there is no drama and an abundance of healthy love. I look back on many of past relationships with proverbial 20/20 hindsight and think “why was I so stuck?” just to remember that those relationships, as much of a wreck as they were, have gifted me some of the most important life lessons I’ve learned.
Today I am in a healthy relationship with my best friend who is extremely supportive and loving. We are by no means the perfect couple nor do we every intend to be. We are extreme opposites in some regards but we also share many of the likes. I think what keeps us from falling apart or pushing each other away is the open line of communication we have between us. That means we don’t blame each other for our problems and feelings and we are mindful when we express what is on our minds. We generally tend to take responsibility for our feelings and emotions and we try to share as much as possible with each other without the fear that other one will take things personally. I’m not saying we never argue, but the manner in which we argue is very fair and we make strong efforts to not attack/blame each other.
What this relationship has reinforced in my mind also is the importance of maintaining your own identity and friendships outside of the ones you two share. I don’t think that generic relationship advice can apply to every person or every relationship but what I do strongly believe that in order to have healthy relationships or even friendships with people, you be able to create boundaries for yourself and love yourself enough to be with someone who loves you for who you are. Maybe that means not spending as much time with people who have really negative outlooks on life and surrounding yourself with people who put you down.
I think that we really overlook the importance of knowing what makes us happy and having a true sense of who we are before we commit to another human being. I think that our generation really overlooks traditionally what a relationship means. A relationship can have various shapes and looks different throughout the multitude of stages it will progress through but I truly believe that love and commitment, at any stage of a relationship, should be a choice and promise you make yourself. I think too many of us (my younger self included) step into relationships with an expectation for a human being we do not know well enough expecting that they will fit a mold that we have created in our head.